Sibling mystery

I will never figure my sister out and I already have! How can one person spend their life capsulized by anger and thinking that nothing will be effected by that? Just wondering. When we were growing up, she was the Alpha child by a long shot. The rest of us just went along for the bumpy ride. I decided early on that by annoying everyone and teasing the living daylights out of the group, I would get some attention ~ negative was fine, just pay SOME attention over here... I guess I was hard to live with, but maturity found it's way to my MO and I changed. Not so for Chris. Her very distinctive handwriting on an envelope is always reason for concern. Do you really know what is going to be inside? Nay Nay, but you can almost guarantee you don't want to find out.... however curiosity always gets the better of you and BAM! there it is... cynical, backhanded comments and the subject matter is always - you guessed it - Chris.

Got the letter Thursday. Opened on the way to the house. Stared in disbelief at contents. Showed it to David *(always the calm head in the house). Filed it in the round container that has residual smells of rotten food and whala! all done. Reply? Don't think so.

Carlos 1996-2008

I am still reeling from the events of yesterday. Two days ago, Carlos, our most beautiful snow-shoe-Manx was complaining of not being able to use the cat box. We have been down this road before as seasoned cat owners and knew that we would be visiting the vet first thing in the morning. He was more uncomfortable than other incidents, and crying very loudly. I kept on trying to reassure him that we would take care of him and wanting to give him some cat-aspirin or something.... Wednesday, David took him at 7 a.m. (bless the vet) to the office whereas they announced that he was in need of surgery and had a blockage. Cost= $900.00. Reaction=oh no. After some deliberation, we decided that our budget and sensibilities were are risk too, and the final decision was to put Carlos to sleep.
I am sad, he was my warrior/survivor/companion for 12 years. I am mad that I was not prepared to be a good steward for his care.
Carlos was so wonderful in a lot of ways. He took on the role of "alarm clock" when I started working in San Jose and needed to get up at 4 a.m. His range of meows was matched by no other cat I know. His "Get up and feed me and oh yes, you can take a shower and get ready for work too, but first things first..... FEED ME!" was both appreciated (I never over slept) and despised (hence the water bottle sprayer on the night stand). He scoulded. He loved and took care of the other cats, always the grandpa ~ gentle, playful and stern all at the same time.
My little shop of horrors kitty was happy in Santa Cruz. His growing up in San Jose was less than wonderful, especially after he was taken from us by who knows what kind of diabolical person and tortured, found his way away from that and came home traumatized. It took me 3 years to get him to stand still for a petting. After we moved to Santa Cruz, he let out a collective sigh and decided that he was finally safe.
I will never forget him.

Shamed and caught up.

I am properly shamed into adding a post to the blog. Stephanie *wonderful daughter* is so faithful with her blog that as I was reading it I thought, "I don't remember her telling me this?!" But of course, IF I had kept up with her blog and she with mine, we would be in a whole new world of communication.

So, let me begin by bringing some of you up to snuff with the latest. On November 21, 2008 I underwent gastric bypass, also known as Duodual Switch, which is a fancy way of saying I now have use of 1/3 of my previous stomach capacity. Very interesting, at least to me, as this procedure has lead to a loss of about 55 pounds since said operation.

Fast forward to the changes involved with such a drastic decision. I never thought it would be the "easy way out", just that I had battled with this weight over the last 26 years and frankly I was tired of losing ..... the battle. I also considered the health issues of high blood pressure, pre-diabetics, and loss of energy. I felt I had a lot to live for and short circuiting it with added pounds wasn't in my best interest.

I was not totally prepared for the journey. I didn't know that I would come to "hate" food. You see, part of the program is consuming 60 grams of protein a day, 2 liters of fluid *water*, and exercising 4-5 times a week (when your body is ready for it). 60 grams of protein is like, A LOT of protein. Oatmeal, 1/2 cup = 4 grams. I can't eat a half cup!!! 1/2 Chicken breast = 8 grams. If I could take more than 4 bites it would be great! So, you get the picture??? Hence, I have resorted to protein drinks. Ah, yes, those wonderful grainy, gag if you will, liquids that give a bang for the buck. I found some online that claimed to have 50 grams in the bottle! Whoo Whoo... except I cracked one open last night and said, " Who let the cough medicine out, who??" It was thick and too sweet (even though it claimed to be sugar free) and had that ingredient the makes you twitch and cringe when you swallow, like cough medicine!!

When I do cook now, which is another reason I hate food, I think about how I used to cook and come up with all these intriguing flavors, textures, and combinations and present a good meal. Now, I have to think mono item on the plate, yes protein, and to heck with the sauces, spices, and side dishes. Poor David, he is used to something so different, but he doesn't complain at the single fish fillet of salmon, again. I am frustrated at my lack of inspiration. I take a bite and nothing tastes, well, like it should. I have heard from the support group I go to that this will change....none to quickly for me!

On to the exercise portion of this blog. Well, I always thought that if you weren't sitting in a chair 8 hours a day, yes, you were exercising. I thought I would join a gym, but money being tight I have to be more creative. Like, on Wednesday, I arrived a work to a totally blacked out building. Power outages bring new opportunities. I work on the 6th floor. So, even though I wouldn't be able to log on to the computer, I logged onto 6 flights of stairs for my exercise! Wow, was great until I got to the 5th floor in the stairwell and the door suddenly opened with a strange man on the other side! Yikes! I about fell the 5 floors down again. Not in the exercise program. After I regained my composure, I completed the last floor, totally out of breath. But with the light bulb going off in my head, I proceeded to "take the stairs" the next two days. Cheap, good exercise. And I thought that if on a particular day I didn't want to take the whole 6 floors, I could just get off and take the elevator the rest of the way! Pretty clever, hun?

Another benefit of the weight loss is fitting into the clothes I have in a more intended way. No more buttons straining against the bod. Pants that I can now breath in. You get the picture. Well, another downfall of the weight loss is NOT fitting into the clothes I have!! HEE HEE. I almost walked out of a pair of pants I had on last week. Belts. Suspenders. Maybe they are a way of life for me now. I decided not to invest in a new wardrobe until I was sufficiently down in weight. But I did take advantage of my local Target for one pair of cheap jeans. I figure that can carry me through without breaking the bank. I went to the "fat ladies" department on auto pilot. Checked out the sizes and thought, "OK, I have on a pair of 24's that are pretty lose, what number should I look for?". I ventured to the 20's and took a pair of 18's on a whim. Well, lo and behold, the 18's fit!! Ok, I am not into numbers on a regular basis, but I can't remember the last time I saw 18 except on the way up! It was a good feeling. Now for a delicate subject. We are talking the tatas... they go away, sort of making a full cirlce from age 11 to now. You worry you won't have any and then you have too much *I am talking first person now*, and then they go away again. At this point it is sort of a fold and roll process. Enough said. That is the one thing I believe plastic surgery is good for. Tatas. Not to make them bigger, but better.

So, you can see that the blog has resurfaced again, I have caught up with the latest and the latest.

I am looking forward to adding more, like the trip to North Carolina on Feb.13th to see our newest family member, Rebekah! I get to travel with Stephanie and Jimmy and Kaitlin. Kaitlin is so absolutely, wonderful! When I talked to her a couple of days ago, I told her that we get to fly together to see Rebekah. She was very excited too, and then she told me, "you know what I want to be when I grow up? I want to be a pilot, a teacher, a cheerleader, a firefighter......." I said, Katilin that is going to make you a very busy girl! What are you going to do when you are flying a plane and there is a fire? She giggled. Sweet. So sweet!

Rhythm and the Blues

I have tried over the last few months to accept and deal with my inevitable lay off, slated for March 2009, but will probably come sooner. I alternate between the denial, procrastination of looking into alternative work prospects; and generally just cruzin’ for the brusin’. The whole thing has a lack of rhythm.
Prior to the announcement of our demise, things were busy. There was a guarantee that everyday I showed up at 6:30 a.m. there would be something, a lot of something to do. With the agenda full, I set to the business of completing the tasks at hand and left each day feeling I had accomplished a "noble" deed.
As the work slowed because Merrill Lynch and First Franklin were going in two different directions, Merrill being the parent, FF the red-haired step child, there was talk of expected let down and lay offs.
Then "the LIST" made its way into our department and we saw the dissections and flat out dismissal of our friends and foes alike. "Why was that person laid off, they contributed a lot to the department", "She has worked here over 15 years, now what?", and the ever popular, and I do mean popularity contests, "She/he is only staying because she/he knows someone up higher". There was a total lack of sense. The rhythm was gone. The clock stalled at high noon.
This is what greed smells like.
My friends and family looked to me when I mentioned I was in the throws of the meltdown, as if I should have said something! Me!? My peers and I saw it coming in the form of an attitude of "no self denial". Everyone was wooed with false promises and ‘quick sand’ guarantees. All the brokers had two and three cells phones to conduct business. The Account Executives scrambled to catch the next rising star. And the lack of the beat went on. There is a beat that goes, one, two, three, and four. They skipped a couple of counts like where it counts to be honest, forthright, prudent and considerate.
So here we have a lack of rhythm and a lot of blues. Oh, Mr. King would have had a good time with this one!

Medical Wonders

Well, today I completed the mandatory "check in with me every $1000. ahemmm no what I meant to say was...every 6months" appointment with my primary care doctor.

At my age, I wear my medical conditions as a badge of experience and endurance~! I guess I never really understood that the human body is a machine that eventually wears out and parts start to be replaced.

There is there ever popular colonoscopy ~ WEEEE, the preparation is worse than the procedure. Mammograms are great comedic material until you are the patient. And then the knee joints connected to the ...opps.. no connection, looks like arthritis has done it's job here.
On that note, as I leaned heavily on a stylish blue cane, I was prescribed a "Bledsoe Thruster RLF" brace for my knee which has lopsided cartilage. As the technician was fitting me, he offered a wide variety of "colors". I was surprised. I thought they were all military black... so, your gonna love this... I chose Paradise Pink!!!! Hey, there is no reason I have to advertise the aliment, but I can do it in style!!! This clever contraption is very good at it's purpose *(and as my uncle used to say, "otta be, cost enough!"). The ticket price? $2500! Oh yeah, and the black stocking I put on under it to prevent chaffing? $249.99! I tell ya, it's a racket and I feel like making one over the corner we are put in with medical services.
My doctor, who has never been 2 ounces over his target weight, seems to think that all you have to do is cut down your portions and the world is your oyster. Better make that something with less cholesterol! I have talked about gastric bypass surgery and today I breached (as in whale)the subject with him. I told him I wasn't looking for a magic bullet, which seems weird to me...why would I shoot myself??? Anyway, I feel like I am getting the most information I can and yet he still wanted to "refer" me to a gastric guy, another boat payment has to be made after all. I guess he thinks I will talk with his guy and come to the realization the cutting down portions is the only out, or not.

I love my life. I really do. And my blog is showing the side of me that may not ring true to the former sentence. I guess life is meant to frustrate us sometimes so we can relish the contrast when things are perfect. Did I say THAT??!!?? OK, not perfect but certainly more rosy than not....

Evolution of Catering

I have to say that my catering history has made great leaps and bounds! I used to stay till the last light was on, now, I cook,setup and leave. I did a 95 year old birthday party for a grandmother of a former boss. She was a lively gal, who danced her heart away to "Brick House"! Served two kinds of spagetti sauce on over the counter pasta, organic greens with cherry tomatos, artichoke hearts, avacado, and sprinkle of carrots. Garlic bread. Simple. Easy and cheap. Had a wonderful helper, Gwen our new next door neighbor from New Orleans.

So, my daughter on the other hand did a wedding the same day in Napa. Her menu consisted of several hor's devours.... lovely salad bar with 4-5 different salads and a cold cut buffet. LOTTA work, not so much $$ and my bet is that she is still recovering, and stayed till the lights went out.

Our particular species just doesn't progress so much... but I have to say that our food is great just the way it is and that is not worth evolving from!!

Sticks and Bones

As I approach the mid month of September, I am reminded on a regular basis that my body is about 3 years ahead of my head... thus the "sticks and bones" title!
I am using a rather sleek and sophisticated walking stick to assist me in my travels these days. Quite the fashion statement! This due to the inappropriate timing of my right knee and lack of cartilage and abundance of arthritis. Ouch. Today I was accosted by a brace man. He came to my work to fit me for a very pink and precious knee brace. It is supposed to help me with my giddy up and tally ho! Five days and we will see. This on top of a visit tomorrow to Pacific Labroscopy to do a consult on a possible gastric bypass surgery. There, I said it, right on public blogging. It is supposed to be a very in depth consultation lasting for about 3 hours. My friend Lei is taking me as she knows the way... literally. She had the same operation about 18 months ago and is 145 pounds less a woman and counting. She had the same issue with her knees and decided that taking the weight off was the way to help her knee and it worked.
I have mixed feelings about the surgery. I know that "with exercise and diet" all people can lose weight. I know that when I tried to increase my activity years ago, by walking our dog at 5 a.m. every morning for a year... and that was a BRISK walk for at least 3 miles a day, the results were less than stellar. In fact, I even included a low fat, low sugar meal combo and lost...well, let's see, hm mm, 4 pounds. There was something intrinsically wrong here. The dog looked great, no longer panted crazy like after the work out and I just came home sweaty and discouraged. When I was a single mom with two young boys to support, my life was always on the move. I love to dance, so when that opportunity came up, I slipped on my boogie boots and away I went to a Church dance. I worked full time as a chef and so I didn't eat too much, in fact, usually one meal a day. But I have never been, what is the word, svelt???
Now I have set up a 'catch-22' situation. Too large to move enough to make a difference, so one cancels out the other.
Enough of the self defeating behaviour and on to thinking outside of the bulge!

I will keep you posted on the events as the come up, but my request of you all is to keep me in your thoughts...good ones.